Reframes For Parents
“I’ll never be able to!”
“It’s too hard!”
“I can’t do this!”
If you’ve heard your child say these words, you’re not alone. When our children are asked to complete tasks that are unfamiliar, or perhaps above their current capability, their initial reaction might be one of struggle—especially as they’re working to develop Executive Function skills like initiation, planning, and flexibility. Resistance and frustration can be natural parts of learning new skills, and they are also powerful opportunities for growth.
When we witness the struggle, here are three reframes that will support our kids on their path of skill building:
View challenges (and the associated resistance) as growth opportunities: Frame difficulties or mistakes as natural parts of learning. Aim to introduce tasks that are slightly above your child’s current capability, while providing scaffolded support using the ‘I do, we do, you do’ method. These incremental challenges help to build Executive Function skills without the overwhelm. For example, if the skill to build is preparing breakfast: your child can first observe you through the process of scrambling eggs, they can assist you the next time, and then you can watch them as they complete the task (perhaps as they follow a notecard of step-by-step instructions).
Focus on effort and progress, as well as goal-oriented outcomes: Praise your child for their effort, persistence, and progress as they work towards an end goal they they’ve helped to define. For example: completing each of the small preparation steps that ultimately lead up to successfully preparing scrambled eggs for breakfast (like adding eggs and butter to the grocery list, learning how to crack the eggs without getting shell in the bowl, etc.).
Say “I love you and I believe in you” through setting expectations and holding boundaries: By establishing clear limits you communicate care, respect, and a desire for your child’s success while showing them that their environment is predictable and supportive. Boundaries also help to teach responsibility and emotional regulation, and provide the structure that all kids thrive on.
Want to take action this week on supportive skill building? Try these steps:
Choose a task with a clear end goal that is slightly above your child’s current skill level (e.g., preparing a simple breakfast or packing for camp)
Break the task into steps and guide your child to successfully complete it with scaffolded support
If resistance and frustration arise, stay calm while maintaining expectations for task completion
Praise effort and progress
Reflect on the process at the end of the week, and celebrate successes
When done consistently over time, these small actions and mindset shifts will help our kids develop the confidence and resilience necessary to manage future challenges. Here’s to raising kids who believe in themselves.